Wisdom of a Mighty Oak

I’m sitting here this morning admiring the beautiful, large oak tree outside my window. Its branches stretch beyond what my view allows me to see fully even though summer storms, as well as a few early fall ones, broke and twisted many of those branches. Yet it still stands strong and, like in years past, is gloriously showing its fall colors. It has been through Hell but remains true to its mission – to be beautifully alive as a magnificent tree that can weather storms and welcome changes and seasons with a powerful strength.  

Nature is my balm, and I have a special appreciation for trees, so I turn to this mighty oak for some tree wisdom as I struggle with deep feelings of anger, hopelessness and worry. You see, like many of us right now, I’m exhausted and pissed. The last few months have been an emotional roller coaster of joyous hope followed by devastating despair and I’m angry that the recent election put someone for whom I have absolutely no respect back in power in this country.

We have every right to feel anger, disappointment and fear. We have been through damaging storms before at the whim of this guy and his followers and we find ourselves facing more of them.  We’re scared and worried about what might be ahead. But we can’t stay in that place. There is work to do and we are the ones who will have to do it.  

So, what can this old oak tree teach us? Endurance, resiliency, strength for sure. But also, how to sway with the changing winds while being grounded in what and who we are. If we stay in this place of anger, resentment and worry we will not only wear ourselves down to a nub but will also give those who are dangerously power hungry more power. It is clearly their intention to frighten us, to keep us worried and focused on them instead of ourselves, our lives and the work ahead of us. They want us to believe that they have “power over us.” This was clearly expressed by Nick Fuentes, the white nationalist, right-wing podcaster who is a frequent guest and advisor of the newly re-elected felon. The day after the election Fuentes gloated on air about women failing in our quest for autonomy. Fuentes declared, “Your body, my choice. Forever.” Then he added, “Men will now legally control women’s bodies.”  

No one should wonder why women, and the men who truly love and respect us, are angry right now. There is nothing wrong with being angry, even disillusioned, regarding what has happened and the gleeful “victory dances” being done by the MAGA (Make America Gullible Again) voters. It’s okay to feel what we feel, but we can’t wallow in worrisome feels and fear. Mental health professionals urge us to feel our feelings, talk to others who feel similarly for support, then when we can, to release them and get busy using our anger to motivate, to mobilize and to move us into action. That’s when we can organize and get to work. If we don’t and we allow ourselves to become mired in and withdraw into worry and fear, we play into the hands of those who want all the power. They want us scared and filled with doom, gloom and worry. They know that if they can keep us in that dark place, they will have truly won. Our worries only give them more power because worry and fear results in our feeling powerless. Worry and fear gives them all our power. When we’re focused on them and the fear and devastation they plan to enact they feel they have dominance over us, so we must reclaim and hold on to our power. We do that by releasing our worries about what they are doing and refocusing on the things we can control, like how we respond and react, how we reconnect with our own lives, how we move forward, how we can help protect the most vulnerable among us and know, despite the storms we have been through and whatever ones are ahead, we will rise again in a glorious display of unity, love and determination. 

They want to silence us, but we know the power we have in our voices and in our hearts and we will use that and all our resources to become even louder, even more sovereign. But we must muster the energy and the belief in “Yes, we can” to do that. My old oak tree is its most powerful when it can sway with the winds of opposition yet stand strongly true to itself by continuing to beautifully and selflessly offer shade, protection and a home to beings less fortunate. 

I ask us all to acknowledge that as individuals, we are incredibly strong and powerful beings, but together we are as sturdy as an old oak tree. Look at your own life. You’ve been through many storms and some of them likely bent, possibly broke, some branches and limbs off, yet here you stand even stronger. We can sustain ourselves and each other through whatever storms may be ahead. When we join together we become a forceful Army of goodness and grace. 

We’re not defeated. Not yet. We may feel weary and beaten down, but we will rise again louder, stronger and more powerful than before. One of my favorite essayists, Anne Lamott, often reminds us, “Grace bats last.”          

I look at my old oak tree standing sentinel as it has for decades. It remains strong through storms, hardship and age and I say, “Batter up.”

Shining our Light in the Darkness

Today marks a week since the tragic February 14 shootings during the celebration of the Kansas City Chiefs Super Bowl win. I’m still reeling from not only the violence, but that it was allegedly the result of guns, some powerful automatic weapons, being used to settle “a dispute” – in a crowd of nearly a million happy, celebrating people. 

The contrast of such a joyful and celebratory moment, that in a blink, was permanently altered into a terrifying and life-ending event would be unbelievable if we hadn’t seen this kind of tragedy happen so often. In fact, five students were wounded by a drive by shooter outside an Atlanta high school on the same day as the Kansas City shootings. These events are occurring so frequently that sometimes they go by without us even noticing. 

I would now usually plead for responsible gun legislation, but since my entreaties sadly fall on deaf ears, I am focusing on how many good people reacted to the tragedy with care and compassion. They met the worst of humanity by showing us the best of it. 

There were so many acts of light, of bravery and great courage during the shooting at Union Station. Hundreds of law enforcement personnel immediately ran toward the danger; EMTs raced to the scene to help the wounded long before anyone knew if the shooting was over or just beginning. Upon first word of the shootings, surgeons and trauma teams at the hospitals where the wounded would be headed immediately cancelled all scheduled surgeries, prepared their teams and ERs and stood trained and ready to receive the ambulances that were headed their way. 

This shooting, as heartbreaking as it was, could have been much worse without those law enforcement and medical teams, and all who helped the wounded and the panicked. Who knows how many more might have been shot if not for the men who knocked down a suspect, dislodging his weapon and holding him in place until police took him into custody. 

And the goodness of people didn’t stop there. Chiefs players and Coach Andy Reid stopped on their way to safety to comfort kids who had become separated from their people. Some players even stayed with the frightened kids until they could be reunited with parents and caretakers. Other rally goers protected and attended to the wounded and those hurt in the stampede of humanity fleeing to safety. I doubt they asked what political views, orientation, religious beliefs or nationality those they helped held close. In that moment they didn’t care. They were simply helping a fellow human being in need. 

There were other heart-based responses, like my friends, Tim and Brenda Lancaster, who were at the rally and close enough to hear the shots and become swept up in the chaos. Thankfully the Lancaster’s escaped and couldn’t wait to get to the safe shelter of their home to begin trying to process everything they had witnessed. However, they had one stop to make before going home. Knowing that blood supplies were already low, they swung by the Community Blood Bank to make a much-needed blood donation. Their act, a true act of love, inspired many others, including me, to do the same. What a lift it was, in the face of incomprehensible and life altering violence, to be doing something that had the potential to affect someone’s life so positively. 

During our darkest times we often automatically respond with great love and compassion for each other. That tells me those things are always inherently in, and a part of, us. I just wish we would respond to each other with that kind of care even in good times.

But maybe the darkness is needed for us to see the stars more clearly. If that’s the case, may we all shine on.

It isn’t Pie

You can’t give what you don’t have. 

After all, if we are thirsty, but have no water and someone asks us for a drink what do we have to give them? Certainly not water.

The same holds true for just about everything else, whether we are talking about respect, love, abundance, happiness. If we don’t have those things, then we can’t possibly give them. And without having what we wish to give others or ourselves, we are holding an empty bag.

For example, those who are leading the loud criticisms, false narratives and hatred targeted at the Travis Kelce and Taylor Swift relationship believe that their criticisms and conspiracy theories are reflecting poorly on the happy couple. But instead, their hate and derision are speaking volumes about the relationship they have with themselves. The backlash focused on the couple who are simply enjoying what appears to be a supportive and loving relationship is proof just how sad and miserable it is to not be able to be happy for the happiness of others. Those propagating ridiculous false theories and criticisms toward the couple and their happiness are holding an empty bag. 

But, if you can’t give what you don’t have, and you aren’t happy with your own life, then you can’t really feel happiness for anyone else. Happy people don’t trash other people’s joy. People who are committed to creating goodness in their own lives openly celebrate that in other’s. Happy people know that when others are happy, fulfilled and satisfied, instead of decreasing or limiting what is available to them, it creates more for everyone. Happiness and love aren’t pie. There aren’t limited slices of any of it. We create love, fulfillment and happiness within ourselves, and those things expand when we share them with others. In the same way, our disrespectfulness, hatred and jealousies are also expanded when sent out into the world. 

Recently, I mentioned Swift in conversation with a young woman who dreams of being a singer/songwriter. The young one, sniffed derisively and informed me, “Taylor Swift has no talent.” Really? Hummm. Well, Swift has received 650 awards for her singing and songwriting, including two recent Grammy statues to add to her dozen others. I doubt my young friend has done that well for herself – yet. That’s why it seems like a more beneficial path for a young wannabe to feel and express gratefulness for all the doors, ceilings and opportunities that Swift has helped open for other women and performers in general. This young woman’s comment says nothing about Swift’s formable talent, but it does shine a glaring light on her own insecurity and jealousy. 

We’re seeing a lot of that ooze out of our culture right now, aren’t we? And it says nothing about Swift or Kelce, their talent, or about anyone else. However, it says everything about the speaker’s relationship and feelings about themselves.

So, maybe those who are professing that Swift is talentless, or that there is some insidious reason for her relationship with Kelce, should stop spewing negativity and their insecure hatefulness for a minute and look into the mirror. If they have the courage to look closely what they will likely see reflected back is their own unhappiness. If so, then they are fortunate to also be looking at the only person who can do anything about that. Happiness, like love and satisfaction, are inside jobs. Only we can make ourselves happy.

And only then can we truly be happy for someone else. 

Valentine’s Day Love

            Happy Valentines Day! Or, if you prefer, Happy Gal or Palentines Day. After all, a day stoked with chocolate, roses and sentiments of love and appreciation shouldn’t be limited to only those who are living in Coupledom. The rest of us deserve some pampering too.

            So, let’s treat ourselves with the same tenderness and appreciation as we would give another whom we loved and cherished. All that good stuff shouldn’t be reserved only for a partner. Why not make this a day for radical self-love?

            Self-love is defined as “an appreciation of one’s own worth or virtue; proper regards for and attention to one’s own happiness or well-being”. Some believe that it sounds selfish to love and appreciate yourself, and to put your attention on your own well-being. But how many unhappy people who don’t believe they are worthy of love are able to love and appreciate others? It’s true that you can’t give what you don’t have. Self-love is the most powerful form of love and is encoded inside of each of us, we just need to connect with it. Then, and only then, can we let authentic love flow through us and out into the world to others. 

            And this Valentine’s Day is the perfect time to celebrate your own goodness, worthiness and pure lovability. Buy yourself a box of chocolate if you’d like. And don’t even think about waiting a day or so when they are all half price. Splurge! You deserve it.  If you don’t want to take yourself out to a nice dinner tonight, then prepare one at home, or grab some take out from one of your favorite eateries. Take a walk in a setting that makes you feel connected to the natural world, or that refreshes you. Take a salt or bubble bath, read a favorite author or poet, listen and dance to some of your favorite music. There are no limitations, and the only rule is that you do things for yourself that you enjoy, that will make you feel uplifted and loved from the inside out. 

            You are the person with whom you spend the most time in life, so you are also the person whose voice you hear the most. What does that voice say to you? Is it positive? Supportive? Does it comfort and care for you? Do you talk more appreciatively and positively to your friends than you do yourself? If so, it’s time to “autocorrect” anything you say to yourself that isn’t loving and kind.

            Does what other’s think of you bear more weight on your confidence, courage and worth than your own thoughts? That’s called People Pleasing and it’s a waste of time. Even if you could control someone else, what others think of you is none of your business and likely has much more to do with their relationship with themselves than with you.

            A mentor once told me that there are only two people we need to please in life. Those two people are the eight-year-old version of yourself and the 80-year-old version of yourself. If both of those people are happy with the way you are living, then you’re doing a great job of living a good life.

            So, Happy Valentine’s Day and give yourself some love. You deserve it!

Life According to Boone

At this stage of my life, I have no desire to compete with or compare to another, but rather to focus on being my best self. To be all I can possibly be and live fully and freely while boldly perusing personal growth.

            Through the years I have gathered wise and diverse mentors and masters for all aspects of my life. Whether for mental, emotional, physical or spiritual growth I have been blessed with strong teachers and teachings.

            But my greatest, most trusted and enlightened guru on how to live a “best life” is my dog, Boone. Boone appears to have mastered this bumpy ride called “life” like a pro. In case you, or someone you know, might benefit here are some of his techniques for living well: 

            First, be happy no matter who shows up. Don’t let another’s darkness throw shade on your light. Boone greets everyone with joy and friendliness. Being a grumpy dog has never resulted in more treats or tummy rubs, so Boone always welcomes people with an open heart. He also greets most other animals the same way. Except for squirrels. Boone doesn’t care for squirrels and never hesitates to show his disdain – loudly. 

            Which leads to Boone’s second suggestion for a happy life: There will be those with whom you don’t vibe in life. There are some who just aren’t going to click. Bark at them, if you must, but then forgive them and move on.

            Being quick to forgive is another of Boone’s suggestions for a good life. Boone will seemingly forgive anyone anything. He forgives not for the other person or to condon what has been done, but rather it is so he can continue living in peace without holding onto a grudge or harboring resentment. Those things can get heavy and holding onto past hurts – real or imagined – only takes up space he can use to think about fun walks or treats. When necessary, he lets me know I have behaved in a less than acceptable manner.  He is not above informing me he does not approve when I forget his favorite treat or don’t walk him at the usual time, but that communicated, he peacefully returns to his nap.

            And napping is one of Boone’s favorite things and is crucial for a long and happy life. He believes that there are times in life when taking a nap is the best, and most productive, thing you can do. It helps break the energy of a day that may not be unfolding as we wish. It allows our bodies to rest and our brains time to quietly ponder whatever we’re trying to figure out. Chances are when we awake, a solution is waiting for us and we’re ready to take on any challenge. 

            Along with naps a daily walk outdoors is one of Boone’s tops suggestions for an excellent mood elevator. The fresh air lifts our spirits and helps us connect with the healing properties surrounding us in the natural world. We also have opportunities to smell a lot of things. This is often more significant for Boone than for me, but he has taught me the world can be a fragrant place. When we are present, we get a whiff of life’s sweetness and can appreciate everything a little more. 

            Boone’s best tip for a life well lived is to not be afraid or even hesitant to ask for what you want. He feels no shame or weakness in expressing, sometimes even demanding, his preferences. He has no embarrassment about the wanting or the asking. He lives with a rather daft human so maybe he understands clarity and directness is mandatory. However, once his wishes have been made clear, he accepts whatever he gets as being exactly what he needs.

            So, in summary, what are the basic keys to living a good life? Love first, forgive everything, take a nap when you need one, and be so present you recognize the sweetness of every moment of your life.

            In other words, be like Boone.