If there is one thing that can remind us that we are not in control, it’s the weather. We may convince ourselves that we are the master of our ships, until those vessels are tossed about like toys at the mercy of a power much greater than us or that we can even imagine.
For the last week heavy rains, frequently accompanied by high winds, have been tracking over my area of the country. The storms come one after another and we have yet to have a 24-hour period without rain, and storms are predicted every day for the foreseeable future.
This morning I awoke to sunny skies and less humid conditions, and gratefully felt the frayed edge of hope within my grasp again. But, alas, it was short lived. Within an hour the skies turned a deep black-blue and the winds and rain came again. I am feeling beaten down and defeated. The roof is leaking, dirt is being washed out behind a rock wall which now bows precariously, the basement is struggling to remain passable and the pond now overflows with little more than heavy dew.
I have never experienced anything like this before. The rains just keep coming, and there is absolutely nothing I can do to stop them. Believe me; I’ve tried everything I can think of to get them to stop. I’ve used every method of positive thinking I can come up with, but even repeating, “I now see the sky sunny and dry,” a thousand times has made no difference. I’ve offered prayers and deals and tried negotiating with God, the Rain Goddess, or whatever is in control, but still the rains come. I’ve even gone out in the middle of the storm, raised my fists in rage to the sky and demanded it stop — NOW!! But one storm after another continues to move over the same ground, leaving it, and me, saturated to the max.
I feel completely helpless as I watch waves of water wash over my soybean fields, knowing it means little, if any, farm income this fall. I am powerless to do anything to save the crops or anything else in the path of these storms. As much as we humans like to think we have some amount of control, the weather can always trump us. Wicked rains, winds, earthquakes, tsunamis are all part of Mother Earth’s diverse bag of tricks that teach us we are not in the least control of anything happening outside of us. The only control we have over anything is within us. But the frequency and intensity of the rain is wearing on me.
My “within” is in a constant state of anxiety, and I am always looking at the sky, checking weather reports, so hoping to hear that good weather is on its way. The only time I find peace these days is during the moments I allow myself to surrender and let go of any illusion of having control over what is happening with the weather. I can’t stop the rains. I can’t do anything about the flooding they create. All I can do is trust that, even though it may appear doubtful at times, I am going to be okay and that sunny, dry weather will come again. At some point, the rains will stop and the ground and I will have an opportunity to dry out and regain our balance. When that does happen I will not hesitate to offer my appreciation and gratitude for it with the same verve I have cursed this trail of storms.
I just hope that occurs before I grow gills and my toes start to web.