I am so ready for spring. I thought the last twelve+ inch snow was the final blow, but then the winds starting blowing making going outside out of the question. It got so cold I had to work to stay warm even when inside. Out of necessity, I came up with some workable solutions. If you too are struggling to find warmth these days here are some suggestions.
One of the easiest methods is hot baths, which are always good. I spend a lot of time in hot water, both figuratively and literally, and find prune-like skin is a small price to pay for thawed limbs and digits.
There are a variety of foot, hand, neck and seat warmers on the market that can be heated in the microwave. I suggest getting several of these and duct taping them to your body whenever you must go outside. Oh, sure they may create unsightly bulges, but who really cares what you look like as long as you are warm.
If you don’t want to wear bulky heaters, then you can always don several layers of clothing. I have found six to be a good number. Of course, with that many clothes on, if I fall down, I am completely helpless to get back up. So if you see me on my back in the snow, I am not making snow angels, but rather have accidentally tipped over and could use some assistance.
Experts say 90 percent of our body’s heat escapes from our heads, so I suggest wearing live animals on your head for added warmth. Of course, this could increase static electricity, which is already an inherent problem during the winter because it wreaks havoc on clothing and hairdos.
Lately I look as though I am using a fully inflated balloon as a hair-grooming tool, and wearing anything other than cotton means clothing sticks to my body like a second layer of skin. While dining out with friends the other night, I removed my jacket only to find the sock I thought I lost in the dryer hitching a ride on the back of my shirt. Who knows where the sweat pants I assume had been abducted by dryer aliens have ended up.
But there are advantages to the cold weather. After all, freezing is a way to preserve things, right? So maybe this cold weather will inhibit the aging process. Come spring, maybe we all will appear younger.
It can’t hurt to hope, can it?